(N)ever Changing Society

 Throughout history and I mean actual history not what we read and hear, many calls for change have arisen. Alexander, The Romans, The Greeks, The Germans, The Euros of the 1600’s until some upstart said “we call for change”!  Modern day it’s the US hands down. 

Religions have been modified constantly for the same reasons government policies have. Science as well. This is controlled today by government selected curriculum indoctrinated into students at all levels. “Experts” will be accepted only if they are on the same page with good ole Alex or his counterpart in any institution. Let’s look at this from a human nature standpoint. Look at the human psyche. From birth we struggle with the “meaning” of everything. The universe, the planet we inhabit, why we exist, whether or not any of our world actually exists and a seemingly infinite number of other things. How does the human brain/psyche deal with these questions?

Humans act in a very peculiar manner compared with other species we look at as animated like us. The first thing the human psyche requires is a feeling of self worth. We observe and come  up with the idea that we are the superior species. Hmmm, maybe we are the supreme species?  Wait, that would make everything our responsibility!  Our fault!  Ok we are superior to every other species except the Supreme one. Whew, we are awesome and nothing is our responsibility really!  Same applies to governments and political parties  Now to tie this into Science and Education. If people read history through the lens of the nature of the human psyche they could paint a far more accurate picture of why societies are easily controlled by The Man!  People pick and choose their “beliefs” to match the holes in their psyche. Smart people see this very clearly. Smart, balanced people that is!  Societies fear this person above all else. 

Let’s use Persia/Iran as an example. 

The Persian Empire was once the most powerful on earth. It was vast. Wars and progress divided up its once great population into smaller countries controlled by numerous dictators. Fast forward to post WWII when the balance of world power shifted yet again. A new dictator called The Shah was put into power of the still powerful country. Of course the US was behind this and profited greatly from this puppet government. Fast forward and the Islamic missionaries have convinced a large faction that their particular sky god spoke to them and declared the US “The Great Satan” using yet another sky god to frighten and enrage the population. The CIA read the tea leaves and actually incited the very rebellion that resulted in the Hostage Crisis. Oh yes, the hostage crisis that resulted in Jimmy Carter looking like a clown when the good citizens of the CIA stronghold called the US Embassy were released to coincide with Reagan being inaugurated!  Carter was defunding and whittling the money train that is the Military Industrial Complex and its cronies in politics and the media. He wanted to limit the CIA and their meddling in other governments. Nothing to see here folks. Today it’s flipped. The left is in lock step with The Man. The right is also but needs to present a conservative front lest their cult of Nationalist Sky God Chosen People stray from the narrative. But in reality it’s the nefarious nature of every society driven by the weak psyches of needy humans that perpetuates this. 

It was never better. This is human history. It is also our future unfortunately!  

 Jason

Please read all of this  

When you were born your brother was almost 2. Your mother wanted to be closer to you than she felt to Aaron so she really tried to keep you close to her. You wanted to do what your brother and I did by the time you could walk. Slowly you gravitated to going everywhere with your brother and me. This started you and I on our path.  

Our path centered around sports. I enjoyed recreational sports and you became a sports nut like me. As your brother lost interest we became even more obsessed. There were many fantastic moments and I loved watching you compete and especially coaching the best athlete who happened to be my son.  I was as proud as any father could be of you. You competed 100% and excelled. Even more important to me was you were a great kid. You didn’t cause trouble. You got along with everyone. Fantastic student. Great at math. Wonderful artist. I felt like the luckiest dad in the world. But I screwed it up. 

Being strong is strange. I came off as strong but as you most likely realize now that you are a father, I was scared shitless. I don’t need to tell you what our lives were like. You were the one thing I didn’t have to worry about. Wrong!  I spent a lot of time with you but instead of helping you stay on the wonderful path you were on, I ignored every warning sign that you were maturing. I just always thought you were going to be ok and figure things out.  What an asshole I was!  I think I was a prick to you because I felt like you were so gifted that if you didn’t do things better than everyone else you weren’t trying. Ironic because throughout my life I’ve been accused of the same thing. My motivation was pure fear. I was petrified you may turn into your brother, your mom or worst of all me!  I wanted Jay to become what Jay was meant to be. Better than me!  You were always better than me 

Fast forward to when the wheels finally fell off our family’s wagon. You were in a critical part of a young guy’s development. About the age Ty is as I write this. I had dropped out. I was spent. By this time my obsession/ignoring ping pong parenting of you had taken its toll. You looked up to me less and resented me more as time passed. 100% on me!  I was lost but that is no excuse. I had passed up on so many opportunities to make a hard decision that might have helped but I was stubborn and weak. So now you had less guidance and a couple of broken parents each trying to recruit family to their side. This at the time you most needed a strong male influence. I was a pussy. That hurt you. But not as bad as what I did next. 

Something that I realized was that as our family deteriorated and I wasn’t your coach anymore you began to feel like I only cared about Jason the athlete not Jay my boy!  Also I was learning more about coaching each year which allowed me to become less emotional and more cerebral  so you say me coach other QB’s with nurturing tactics while you and I clashed  again 100% my fault.  The truth was that I was so proud of you for everything you did  I felt like your brother was going to have a very difficult life based on his childhood.  My boy Jay was going to not only land on his feet but he’s going to write his own ticket!  All you needed was a consistent man  I was the opposite  I failed you  

A strong man and good father would have been there for you. Instead I spiraled so badly that I brought an even more messed up bunch into the mix and ruined any chance of being the father you needed. Today I’m absolutely shocked that I did that. I had a chance to tell you this and help you see that all this stuff you carry around is mine, not yours!  These were my malfunctions. I spend time every day thinking about you and my failure as your dad. The one thing I want more than anything before I’m gone is for you to see that I know what I’ve done to you. Then hopefully you can slowly let all of the crap I’ve caused seep back to their source, me!  

Jay I love you so much. I’m a very strange guy as you already know so many times I say stupid things yet hold in things like this that are so important. I wanted to write this down because whenever I have tried to bring any of this up you always blow it off like it’s all ok now. It isn’t! Please understand that my desire is to free you from my bullshit. You have enough stuff with yourself and your family.  

I’m putting this into the bunch of stuff I have written for you to read after I’m gone but I don’t want this hanging over us. It’s obvious that just because someone admits being an ass doesn’t make stuff right. It doesn’t mean you can forgive me or even get over it. I realize this. But I want to take steps forward if we can. Baby steps are fine. If not I understand. You have a wonderful family and kids that probably make you feel like I felt about you. I crave more time with them also. I love you son and I’m so sorry I wasn’t there as your father when I should have been!  

Just read this and know it comes from my heart. It’s taken me far too long to tell you this. It means little if I don’t follow it up with actions. I’ll honor however you react. 

Trauma(how it can benefit us)

 "Once in a while you get shown the light 

In the strangest of places if you look at it right".

 Robert Hunter

We lose and gain people in our lives. Sometimes people die. Other times someone moves away and doesn't keep in touch. In other instances people cut us out of their lives or we eliminate them from ours  These are almost always a source of sadness and pain. Is that really all there is to it?  Short answer is no!

Reflection. True reflection. 

This type of trauma offers a unique opportunity to check ourselves.  Most of the time our psyches turn to our "responsibility" for the state of things.  We wish we told someone we loved them more. I should have kept in touch. Man, I was not a very good friend, parent , child, employee etc!  For the vast majority of people this is short lived.  Nothing really escapes our psyche, only our surface consciousness. This state of semi consciousness is what advertisers call Top of Mind!  All advertising is designed to insure shallow thought and emotional response which overrules rationality and allows for fleecing!

The reason we don't keep these ideas for long is simple.  It's painful to look inward. It's easy to assign responsibility to outside forces. So our reflection ends.  The psyche does this in order to protect itself.  Growth requires us to fully embrace our own responsibility in all things.  But wait, it's not MY fault!  They didn't do, say, give, beg or whatever. Well if you bear no responsibility how can you make things better?  Hmmm?  You can't. That is beyond convincing the other party that you are a victim that responsibility lies with them.  Most who read this are agreeing while forming a lineup of all the offending parties in their lives in their minds. This is a great example of this common malfunction!

Why is this such a handicap?  How does blaming ourself help us grow in a positive way?  In order to solve a dispute there must be a reckoning. Not a reckoning where one party annihilates the other but one in which some common ground is reached. If you are righteous then the only acceptable outcome is the other party admitting their evil ways. Not going to happen. So finding some true responsibility in yourself is the only real asset you have to barter with. I will explain using my relationship with my children as an example. 

There are so many variables in this condensed story that any one mentioned could use as excuses for our own responsibility.  This seems to be the practice with us and is a good example of the train of thought I suggest. 

I was a very young, aggressive, troubled and conflicted dad. My decisions surely affected my children in many ways, many of them negatively. The path our lives would take had effects on them I see today as clearly as if they were painted on the wall. I reflect daily on my culpability in creating the scenarios that damaged my children.  Attempts to communicate to each of them that I acknowledge my mistakes and see the damage I have done are not too successful. None will accept it.  They all tell me in their own way that it's fine.  They say they get it and I did a good job etc!  The fact is I was good at some stuff. I don't need to have them acknowledge that. My goal was to allow them to heal from my stupidity while balancing my own guilt trip a bit.  This is another reason this type of soul bearing doesn't work unless the other party is motivated to actually heal and grow themselves. Hopefully my decision to write each of them a detailed list of my failures and how I see them overcoming them will help!  Since they won't accept it now, hopefully after I'm gone they will be able to!

Most of us have similar stories. Many people look at themselves in absolutes consciously.  We are either pillars of perfection or a dumpster fire of failures. Again this is due to the inability to truly reflect. Without this data we are doomed to our feelings with no guide. This is exactly why we have so many unbalanced people running around bouncing off of walls. 

It's traumatic to reflect. Even good memories remind us of fleeting youth, love, friendship etc.  Folks often ask themself why their parent, spouse, friend didn't like them, love them or favor them. The idea that we can look back and see all of the things we did or didn't do when we should have might be tough but it is the only path to the truth. Back to my example of my kids.  They all have thoughts on who the favorite is but their reasoning lacks any self reflection. Their reasoning is very easy to see yet it is not accurate in reality beyond how they feel about it.  The fact that there is a thought of "favorite" reveals many problems.  My role in each of their opinions is obvious to me. So how do we start the process of true reflection?  How do you help someone become motivated to try?